Can I divorce my husband without a valid reason? It's extremely toxic and destructive to the entire family, not to mention your mother. The Quran has strictly forbidden everyone from violating one anothers rights throughout. 2. Those little fragments of commonality often have strings attached that lead you to other things. Say something remotely disparaging of your sibling, and theyre sure to focus on that rather than on how you perceive their words or behavior. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. So, we see the Quran is very uncompromising when it comes to peoples rights and justice. This comes under violation of physical boundaries. keep in touch, but they cut me off; I treat them well, but they treat me If your mum has wronged her by hitting her then she must ask forgiveness to her and to Allah. WHY? I thought about beating him but I just can't imagine the prophet beating his brother to discipline him (I could be wrong), also my parents wouldn't approve. Dont try to fix them by constantly correcting them, one irritating behavior at a time. Having Meaningful Conversation. When she was calmer, I teasingly asked, What kind of way is that for a nice Christian girl to behave? I will never forget her reply: I guess God wants me to get better more than He wants me to forgive. What he said was completely out of line, but islamically we are told to respond to foolishness with words of peace. Hurting others is an open sin in Islam. Change the way you react to them. Think of how they might experience the same frustration but feel trapped not free to express what theyre thinking because the potential consequences of speaking up seem worse than their siblings behavior. This rewards the behavior by giving them attention (even if it's negative attention). A man came to the Prophet A sincere, pure prayer of this kind is the kind most quickly answered. 1.0k. How to Know When to End a Relationship With Family Methadone is used for helping people to wean off drugs, so if your parents are paying for that, then that's not a problem. Seeking Intervention. When the toxicity starts affecting ones mental health or the abuse becomes a norm, the child must seek the intervention of an adult relative. Q Assalam o alaikum, My parents are narcissistic which has created a lot of problems amongst us as a family. Im scared to practice my new religion in my parents presence. Their attitude is not your problem. Katheer). Allah (SWT) gives life when He wishes and gives us death when He wishes. He alone decides who to guide and when to guide them and if your mother and you pray sincerely then He may bring light into your sisters heart and if she does not realise her errors and repent then accept that Allah the most Wise and merciful is more wise than us and he perhaps has another response to your prayers which is better than you and I can ever imagine. The one who has oppressed someone or hurt them in any way, will not be able to get away with his bad deeds. I want to marry out of love but my father is super stubborn, Family dysfunction has resulted in a scarcity of suitable marriage proposals. We should therefore be extremely careful in our approach and the way we deal It's extreme, but sometimes extreme problems require extreme solutions. Wasallam) said, Good relations are attached to the throne of Allah, saying, She spent two years in therapy, but still she couldnt shake her intense depression. You have a right to set and maintain personal boundaries and to expect others to honor them just as you respect their boundaries. The Prophet Muhammad PBUH had been hurt by a lot of people but he always prayed for them. Keep calm, stay engaged, repeat your child's concerns out loud, and minimize self-defense. With all due respect to whoever came up with Blood is thicker than water, the sibling bond is not unbreakable. - Kicking him physically, may be pushing as well Study and understand the Quran follow Allah and Sunnah of our beloved Messenger, know that doing good deeds, especially for your mum and for your sister, and having sabr, will bring you all success. May Allah (SWT) protect our souls and keep them pure with faith so that we should return to him as obedient servants who excel in our tests and trials to be successful enough for Jannah. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. In our lives, we come across many people who turn out to be toxic and oppressors in any way. Allah, on the Day of Judgment, will punish us for our cruelty and tears of the oppressed unless we make Tawbah. . Thats when she came to me. But you can apologize for that without relinquishing your right to set boundaries of your own. there is a huge difference between the two. All of these might explain why she has such a personal trait as you saiddisrespectful. Just recognizing that your sibling is torturing themself (and, to some extent, everyone around them) can make it a little easier to feel compassion for them and respond in a way that doesnt put their sibling on the defensivewhich tends to backfire. First of all, youre not alone in having a complicated relationship with a sibling. Dear sister, Well, this is something normal, and I don't see Islam opposing normal behaviour anyway.. Think about how they usually get on your nerves and think of ways to minimize their opportunities to do so. Take a deep breath and talk to your sibling. I believe, but to be honest I am not entirely sure of he is yet clean from drugs as it is very hard to trust or believe some one is when they have had a ring addiction Offer her comfort and read with her the words of Allah and the hadeeth of our Prophet to help you maintain faith and strength. 13 Ways To Deal With Disrespectful Siblings - Live Bold and Bloom Is it against Islam to disrespect your mother for this reason? You all should have taught him a lesson whenever he was wrong for the 1st time but you all kept encouraging him by following what he said and made you all do. Instead of supporting, they bring us down with their harsh words and rude behavior. 13. 1 culture considered it respectful to call people by their first name no matter who they are and what their age is. If going to their houses, for Perhaps he wants you and your family to be patient and expiate your sins through that patience? And when they hear vain talk they turn away therefrom, and they say, To us our deeds, and to you your deeds; peace be on you: we seek not the ignorant ones.. Call them out don't be their punching bag, talk to your parents about it. If your child has been aggressive or is making threats, be clear in what the boundary is. 8. At the beginning we told him off but he just kept doing it and so my mum and I didn't even bother anymore because he was very stubborn and would never admit he is wrong. The relationship can be maintained at a distance, if being too close will It would probably be more effective if you got someone she has much respect for to talk to her. Do you disrespect them or cross a boundary? )." [Qur'an, 8:46] Have hope in Allah's ability to change hearts, even that of your sister's. Nothing is impossible for Allah. if not what on earth are any parents supposed to do under these circumstances? Keep your calm even when you want to throttle them or put them in their place. Family In Islam: Part 2. Do you steamroll over what they have to say instead of listening? Kick her out of house .She is grown up girl now and you don't have to tolerate her further .even if she lands up in bad company it's not your fault let her face the real world and appreciate the importance of family . I really want this job, but things have been delayed since I prayed Istikhara. Jazakumullah. He had continued to abuse her until her mother threw him out of the house (for other reasons) a year later. Assessing the Situation. If no one can get through to her with warnings from Allah (SWT) and our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and she does not fear the threat of being hit, leave her. A fairly intense struggle developed between us, partly because I was asking her to do something painful, but also because her religious beliefs contradicted her psychological needs. People often say things like "Blood is thicker than water," or "You can't choose your family.". Try and be good friends with your sister and be very patient and calm with her. I chose my girl over Allah and am having a crisis of faith, Beaten and verbally abused all my life, now lost and hopeless, Father sexually abuses me, mother will not help, I am living the life of a prisoner with my husband, Arguing mother is near impossible to live with. Allahu Akbar, Allah is the Greatest. Whatever their reasons for not speaking, its usually best to give them the benefit of the doubt. But they dont trump everyone elses. Youre human. These trials of the very first Muslims were some of the hardest and we should learn from their reactions and their strengths. All contact with them is negative. Therefore, when someone hurts and scars us, we should leave the matter to Allah and pray for their Hidayah. 21 September, 2020 In this counseling answer: "I would kindly suggest that the husband sits down with the wife in a non-threatening manner and ask her why she is so angry towards him and his family. Seems like your sister is out of control. For the entire situation of so long years you and your parents together are responsible for and to be blamed for, * He should have been slapped hard just once when he touched the tobacco that too from your parents, but they gave him, * When asked for money telling fake reasons you all should have co verified the same and if found fake really again a tight SLAP than and there.. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc. - He has stolen money from my parents and from my self in the past If they counter accusing you of violating their boundaries, ask for specific details: what boundary, how you crossed it, and when. His good deeds will be transferred to the oppressed and he will remain empty-handed. 20 Rights of Older Siblings in Islam - AZislam.com The nature of drug addiction is such that the addict acts very unpredictably and he could seriously hurt anyone at anytime, even when, and maybe especially when weaning off of drugs. Show your child you're listening. Just keep trying to do better, for both your sakes. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Physical Boundaries- In the Quran and Hadith, it is mentioned that we should not enter anyones house without permission or letting them know. Accept that she has gone astray and has given into the disgusting whispers of shaytan but NEVER give up hope that Allah may turn it around. One of those things youre grateful for could be not having to live with this sibling. Family is the priority of any human being. Instead of openly expressing how they feel, someone makes subtle, annoying gestures directed at you. Read Ayat-ul Kursi so that shaytan runs out of your home and Allah (SWT) blesses your family. Well, this is something normal, and I dont see Islam opposing normal behaviour anyway. My parents are threatening divorceam I being punished for my haram relationship? No work nothing than going where? I don't believe there is anything unislamic about taking such measures to protect oneself. Repeatedly Umayya Bin Khalaf of the Qur'aish tribe questioned "O Bilal do you worship and bow down to the God of Muhammad?" Ridwaan, As-salamu alaykum. Sometimes changing your behavior helps your sibling behave better too. lot of wisdom and diplomacy in dealing with them. So, if they are annoying you without any due fault of yours considered in Shariah then it is actually them who are doing haram, not you. A 15-Step Guide to Handling the Pain, 23 Possible Reasons Youre Turned Off or Grossed Out By Your Husband In Bed, Attention Guys! I drank alcohol at a party but want to pray. I mean, you'll obviously worry, but it's better to worry from a distance than suffer daily abuse. For example, I am part of 2 cultures. All the comments just justifying the disrespect lol. He is 16 and I'm 18 and the eldest. I hid my addictions from my girlfriend but we are both revertingshould I confess to her? One of the most dangerous things about forgiveness is that it undercuts your ability to let go of your pent-up emotions. Theres a time to speak up and a time to walk away. Why Are Siblings So Annoying and Disrespectful? You did your best not to respond in kind, but its getting harder. But I still love him as a brother for Islam, and I do not show any of my hatred whatsoever. They are unacceptable and she needs to understand that. Over the next four years, Stephanie had been molested by several of her mothers many boyfriends. When we hurt our fellow Muslim brothers, this comes under violation of Huquq ul Ibad (Rights of People of Allah.) badly, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "The good deed and If youre suffering mentally, do go through these Islamic Ways To Deal With Depression, Stress & Anxiety. Talk to your sister like a good friend, instead of shouting or being aggressive. Mother will not let me become a commerical pilot because I am a girl! And you can relish their absence as much as decorum allows. Your parents need to grow a pair of balls.Its not your job to discipline those little a holes. Set limits. May Allah bond you all as a good loving family, increase your iman and show you His Mercy ameen Does He Think About You? See if you can get to the root of their disrespectful or annoying behavior. But if you bear it with patience, that will be better for you, as Allaah says at badly; I try to be kind to them, but they are cruel to me." In the end, that's all just speculation and Allah knows best. My uncle thinks his son is homosexual and wants us to beat the gay out of him, My in-laws verbal abuse led me to say no more!. It's okay to leave or get an adult if your sibling is mistreating you. being hungry or tired) and are acting out. Disliking a person or relative | Islam.com - The Islamic community news And Allah has condemned all forms of zulm in the Quran as haram, irrespective of who does it, whether they be parents, children, wife, husband, etc. OP : why doesn't Allah do anything? Here are some Beautiful Islamic Quotes on Parents with Images. It was very helpful. and each time Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) replied louder "AHAD-AHAD" meaning "One God-One God". 2. Sajal Waseem is a major in psychology and works as a freelance writer. All you can do is wait it out and then forgive them for being imperfect. 1. I want to avoid adultery. If they take it seriously, so should you. All rights reserved. When possible (and appropriate), he uses humor to defuse the situation. He doesn't pray. In fact, Islam has given every person some rights, which is haram for others to violate.. To be Respected by Younger Siblings In Islam and also other culture in the world, especially in Asian countries, older siblings hold more responsibility toward their younger siblings. How Should I Deal With My Disrespectful Younger Sister? Your parents are a bit elderly, too, they should not have to worry about looking after a young, capable man that's just a spoiled brat with issues. My husband disrespected my parents and they are now demanding khula. You dont have to learn anything from your experiences. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); I heard the Prophet (p.b.u.h) delivering a Khutba saying, The first thing to be done on this day (first day of, From: Sahih Bukhari. The Psychology of the Silent Treatment - The Atlantic Because Allah SWT is the All-knowing and knows that it is either in your best interest or hers (if not both) that things are the way they are.