I still think about those moments we had together. June i understand how you feel. Getting thru one day at a time is even rough. I've tried three therapists already myself, without any luck, but I'm going to try to find one who knows how to do cognitive behavioral therapy. I too lost my husband to be (he was only 46 Im 31) last Oct 2019, he was diagnosed with renal cell kidney cancer stage 4 in June and it had metastasized to his liver, bowel, main artery and lungs by end of Sept. Up and down. I only been down this road for 7 to 8 months now. I take the smallest dosage, (15 mg) 1/2 tablet in am and 1 tablet in pm. Many have general monthly meetings, open to everyone, and most have grief support groups, that you sign up for, for eight or nine weeks. You can do it! We simply learn how to live with the enormity and the reality of the loss. I am making a conscious decision to stop "living in my grief" and begin my journey back into the land of the living. I guarantee you that every day that goes by I'm learning how to discount what my ex thinks more and more. They was only one and two years old when we adopted them. I dont even want to live. I dont want anyone else nor do I wish the loneliness to disperse. We where married 63 years and im 83 now i have sufferd likre you with lonliness and no family as such so i started to go to the Gym as i had always looked after my fitness and looking after my wife for the oast 3 years i had put on weight so im on a diet and going to the gym 5 days a week and meeting people that go there and spend an hour a day monday to friaday working out the people on recieption cant believe that im doing what im doing but ity has given me something else to think about and helps with my lonliness and i also have my wifes ashes in the living room window with a photo of my wife and i talk to her a lot while im in the house alone and i talk to her as if she is still with me hoppe this helps gary. Tom I lost my husband in March 2018 and its just the biggest empty heart I have ever had in my life. a mask and say im ok because they could never handle the truth. Many dont know what to do or say, so often times people choose to do nothing. I lost my wife 9 Months ago, at age 57. They misdiagnosed him twice under questionable circumstances. It's like driving you drive so far and someone has to take over because your tired. The part of our brain that governs emotional reactions. 35 years to suicide. I'm heading to Vegas with my husband on Monday to celebrate our 20th anniversary. The ups, downs, and even the fights we had still hold a a special place in my heart. How to get your ex back after 3 months and not look back God does not want me to envy, but it is really hard not to want what each of them now have that I dont. My grandpa died on May 9, 2015, from chemotherapy for lung cancer. I go to therapy and grief share. Grief is not a disease. I'm glad to hear your husband does understand. Ich bin jetzt fnf Tage hier. My husband of 44 years died 8 years ago of pancreatic cancer. We had both just retired and looking forward to spending time at our dream cottage we worked on for 30 years. I assume this is what is meant when I have read that some people feel like they are going crazy? I feel that it's never the right time or place to cry so I have mastered the art of holding it in. I feel my loss in every other post here. 2. This really doesnt pertain to those of us who have lost a child. Maybe theres a class you wanted to take or a club youve wanted to join. My father passed away seven weeks ago from CHF, kidney failure, heart attack and pneumonia of unknown etiology. I don't want to feel this way from now on. I feel that I have held it in for so long that I cannot release it now. Even if it's mutual, even then it can be really tough. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. they ALL had different opinions,no one could agreed except to let him die! You have to unlearn this behavior -- it might be helpful to have cognitive behavioral therapy. I want to die !! I lost my husband Dec 20, 2018, having been diagnosed with cancer just two months prior. Since then I have been trying to fill the void with anyone willing to give me their time. We just got back from a weekend get away with friends that stressed me to the max for many reasons but the main one being that I am scared to death that I will have an anxiety/panic attack and ruin the trip. It started with my beloved aunt found her dead in her home. He was my best I lost my love of 30 years to lung cancer may 9,2018 Everyone thinks I should be getting better by now but Im as lonely and lost as the day she died. I dont know how tuff I am, but I know everyone who posted is at least as tuff as me. I lost my husband 8 days ago to cancer. He had an operation and started to hallucinate after it and became more difficult to care for. I reward myself for driving to the store but in the wrong way spending money on lottery tickets. Its like a nightmare that never goes away. So you are not alone in this. I lost my husband of 31 years on 10/21/18 and Im devastated. I wish you hope and healing in the days ahead~ http://www.griefincommon.com. I am journaling and writing here is also helping. Im so very sorry. Such a wonderful description of what you gained from group and individual grief counseling, my dear, which I'm sure will be helpful to others who may be reluctant to try it. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and thank you for allowing me to ramble on here. I walk in a sleepwalked haze and daze each day just going through the motions. Practice self care. Now she is gone and I share (barely) a home with him. Why is life so hard on us left behind? Im sure you know what I mean. I'm glad your presentation went well and very glad you feel you are able to get your anxiety under control. I spent a long time wrestling with questions of why, but when I recently realized it was for a higher purpose and to stop resisting and move toward acceptance, I became much more content. I feel guilt and shame for how i acted in the end. I still greive every day and thank God for all the years he gave us together. I spoke to her and sang the Happy Birthday that wed always sang to each other, I just hoped she could hear me although she couldnt respond. Im still a somewhat mess, but they all centered me for the long hard road ahead. It is the lowest dose possible (.25) so it does not have much impact. She came everywhere with me and now in the car its the silence that makes me cry. We will continue to feel lonely and separated from the rest of the world if we are always checking off the list of what they have and what we dont. One dr. said he saw a torn muscle on an x-ray. I wasnt so nice. How to I ever live without him? Occasionally I've felt regret, and blamed myself for things ending. My wife and I never were separated for 25yrs retired early and we just hung out all day everyday. My heart aches for him. Its been almost two years. June- I lost my wife of 37 years to stage 4 cancer. But i will never initiate contact with her while she is with a new bloke, i just don't operate like that. Perhaps its the very acute and tangibleloneliness a person experiences coming home to the empty house they used to share with a spouse. He hated it there. She was only 37 and we were high school sweethearts. Anxiety still tries to get it's grip on me but I am stronger than one single emotion. I battle with why did they all have to go but me because without them Im so lost . I pray all the time and I know God is with me. I dont have any other family nor do I have kids. Other people I know seem to tolerate drugs like Prozac, Zoloft and Lexapro very well, though Zoloft and Lexapro tend to produce vivid dreams. I miss him so much and I cry a lot . I feel I am just existing for my boys and dont see any other purpose in life. I was extremely dizzy and I couldn't breathe. It has helped me to read that I am not the only one that feels this way. He emailed me back within minutes, wanting a reconciliation, he also had dumper's remorse. This is toughI know it happens unconsciously and its not a case of asking a griever to deny the loss or feeling. The person you shared your problems with, the ups and downs, lifes small things, and the big, the one to hug you and hold you and hold your heart tight in theirs.is the one who has gone. I cry every day, hour sometimes. The loneliness I mean. I know. I am so sorry for everyones loss. Its calmed me down just a bit. Now I am so lost and lonely. Loneliness is terrible to say the least. No one is here. I was shocked when my husband of 49 years died in his sleep. broken and i know it. I keep thinking about doing a chore to keep myself busy but I dont care about anything. people say im alive. Whn you have a panic attack, you are experiencing physical symptoms that you have to let pass, just as you would the pain you'd feel if you stubbed your toe. Blessings, Pat, Garry i lost my wife 5 months ago and i know how you feel and what you are going through. Im 63. I find myself thinking, if this is all there is for me, then I dont want this life at all. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. It's been a long time since I met him. I could actually go out and find them (as I should) in a mate. Hi Tom, Since I spent 12 hours a day, 7 days a week by her side, in many ways I couldn't fathom she was going to pass and I had mere weeks to prepare for it. Powered by Invision Community. He couldnt be saved.loneliness, guilt of not knowing what he was doing. We didnt have faith in ourselves or in our shared wisdom, and we found that even as grief professionals with almost 40 years of counseling between us, we too had been defeated by loneliness. What I would have given to have just had an altered life-I would have taken care of her as I see many couples. Pam, I will pray for peace in your heart and strength to continue. They are experts on the subject, and have many resources, too. He did give me 30 days of samples and left it up to me. My husband drew his last breath March 5, 2019. The first year actually seemed better with so many friends and family rallying around me and constantly inviting me out. It will never ever fit, no matter how hard you try. I became very light headed. Everything I read says this is normal. She died after fighting cancer and I was glad to see her not suffering but I was left alone going crazy. I am feeling better a little each day so I know I'm pulling through this. Somehow your message touched me I lost my 19 yr old son to suicide 2006 then 6 months and 3 days later my mother. Seek help/ask for help from professionals. They seem to focus on me. If, at this point, she's still made no effort to reach out, it's hard to believe now that will ever change. I am at 3 1/2 months milestone after the breakup, and after the initial shock wears off, I started to push forward, and it felt like I was starting to move on. And I dont always practice what I preach, but if I hadnt contacted Hospice for their help with my grief, Id still be rolled up in a fetal position under a bed. The week leading up to Thanksgiving, the week between Christmas and New year and now her February birthday/Valentines Day. I can still resonate with everything you say, even though I've got 2 months ahead of you. Thank you for your good wishes, Hooverla. I sometimes find myself feeling somewhat short of breath from a mysterious chronic bronchitis that doesn't respond to antibiotics. I would call to talk to him, but Parkinsons took his voice away and it was very hard to hear him. We were both lonely and miserable for a long time before we reunited and then we were so happy, in deep love, cherishing every moment, thanking God. So we sat down one day, notebooks in hand, ready to createa presentation on loneliness when we realized what would we say? I do miss you. There's also an interesting video on YouTube called The Lipitor Paradox. Grief is not an illness. Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss. I and all my life Ive had hurt in so many different ways but this just takes the cake. Seeing them doesn't get any easier either, ***k, especially when they know you're there and make a beeline in the other direction. Being dumped by my one ex was more painful than I could ever have imagined. In helpingthe population of grievers we serve, my colleague and I have often tried to offer programs and education on a variety of topics related to grief. NORTH CONWAY, N.H. When Nikki Haley entered the presidential race Feb. 15, she was polling at 4.5%. We were scared and overwhelmed. Your sad. The feeling is very uncomfortable but it will pass and you are not in danger. If not for her, I dont know what I would have done! I am trusting the Lord for help but still very lonely. He also began seeing another woman within the first 6 weeks of my mom's death which is a whole other story and I'm sure I have already exceeded the post limit. I feared it because it would become the new me. I feel so sad. But of course everything depends on context - and whether you are asking for an English class or to be able to communicate to a friend. Well i haven't posted on here in a while, but i think it's been about 6 months since the break up, and around 3 months complete, The biggest reason I mean is, if you made the choice to. I am just happy that I found this blog and see many going through the same thing. Thank you for the articles and thank you for your response. I have great support of family & friends but still so lonely sometimes!!! These stages do happen if the prognosis is terminal denial that the person will die or hoping that they can make a deal with the powers that be. It really helps to feel understood and know what you are experiencing is normal. I was feeling better once the holidays were over but the closer it got to her birthday Feb.9 and Valentines Day, well it all started again with the anxiety, loss of appetite, jitters, lack of concentration and the exhaustion. But in alot of cases, it's hard for both people during a breakup. after all the disappointment and frustration i had for the past 7 years, just a week of working with you i am now a different man, everything is now working perfectly well. Even after all the understanding Ive gained and the healing progress Ive made, Im still struggling to live without her. I only had three years with her (adopted her when she was 13) but she was my soul mate dog. I kept waiting but she never got around to it. I believe that for all of us, in time, the memory of the person we have loved and lost can be a source of strength and comfort. But the true work of grief comes in filling that lonely space from the inside out. And actually if they've moved on to someone else in some ways that makes it easier because you're like me - there's no way you'd contact them in that situation, therefore there's no hope. I cant stop thinking all I want is him back and how could this of happened to us, all we did is work our butts off and try to be good people. It's easy! He had early onset Parkinsons. I hope my letter may help someone who has better sense than I when it comes to making a bad decision when something like this happens. If you are in crisis, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Line. No children and family lives in two different countries. My Buspirone (for anxiety) I take regularly. After i wrote the stupid final closure email (which achieves ***k all btw) i maintained NC since, plenty of times i wanted to do something to get her back, anything, but she has someone, and i just can't bring myself to get involved anymore. She lived downstairs from me and I have to pass her door every day. Thank you! Im sorry for your loss. The nurse helped me to wash his body and I brushed his beard for the last time. I also have anxiety and am afraid to take Xanax, even though I have a bottle of it sitting right in front of me. I hadnt lived in Houston a month yet, when I woke up and found him on the couch. Later the next mornng when I told my dad about my panic attack, he said maybe the room was haunted. My daughter and 4 year old grandson were living with me and I had to get up every day. Dave Phillips. We would have hope one minute and then be crushed the next. Six months later my sister I found dead in her bed with tv on and remote in hand. I find the words above of help. Your comments were well said in expressing how this feels. I found this article soothing somehow Im not sure why. My parents celebrated their 54th anniversary New Years Day 2014. You may have heard that breathing with your stomach helps calm anxiety. I had to focus on my children and provide for them throughout my grief as I had no choice. It made me so sick. Until death started stalking my life !! pain . Happy Anniversary! I am a Realtor, I work but have cut back, go to the gym, go to church, meet up with friends but returning to the empty house is heart wrenching. Then to top it all off my only child hits national news because she is killed leaving her hotel in Texas. I deserve understanding and support. I was in denial and thought his fatigue the day before he entered the hospital was from not having slept well the night before.. Usually, I would stay up late to monitor him at night, but that night he couldn't sleep, I went to bed early because I was very tired. That was 5 months ago. I too was a caregiver for 3 years. My mom passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack (65yrs old) at the end of September, she had just retired and was looking forward to even more time with her grand boys. I just want to jump into our companion urn with her- I am done at age 64. I asked the doctors over and over again, Is he going to die? Just my daughter no family. my wife had a son from another marriage and she had complications delivering and couldnt have anymore children. I was a worry wart but never these anxiety attacks that make me feel like I'm either dying or having a heart attack. Kangpokpi, Manipur - A viral video from the Indian state of Manipur, showing dozens of men parading and assaulting two women who have been stripped naked, has triggered outrage in . While Im not finding too many constructive ways to cope with the tragedy, its reassuring to know that Im not violating any alright most of the do not want to do strategies. HooverlaFebruary 19, 2015 in Loss of a Parent or Grandparent. And that's what's hard. More often than not, anger is a way to mask pain. Referred him for PT and by the time that appt came he was in oncology with end-stage lung cancer. Thank you for the 5 donts you share to those in despair. I still miss her : r/BreakUps - Reddit Both my half brother and his wife take cholesterol lowering drugs and they have helped lower their cholesterol without any problems. I know that I bring a lot on myself. All Rights Reserved. Hi Ivy, Sometimes I dont know what to do to myself. Because of COVID, my boyfriend and I . I pray i scream but to the rest i must put on WHY DO YOU MISS YOUR EX? Im now living alone at the age of 20 and I just want them back so badly. I am so alone and while I have attended grief classes and sessions and they help-once they are over I return to the empty sad house. When I was crying, she just handed me a box of tissues and said, "You are still very emotional. I wonder sometimes if he really existed because he is getting farther and farther away in my mind. Everything together. I lost my husband, best friend, and partner in crime for 41 years only 2 days ago due to undetected Pneumonia which infected all sorts of other organs. These stages as she describes them apply to the terminally ill and their loved ones and I have read a few articles on how these stages continue to he misapplied. Sigh.. i thought the leukaemia bond might be similar in some way. My husband died 6 years in Oct 2 and the loneliness haughty me, even though I try to keep busy. People who have support of family and friends close by count your blessings its worse to navigate alone. I cry a lot and sometimes I feel like someone is grabbing my insides and twisting. Other than that we were together. I meant to go back and fix your name. I find help in the Lord but loneliness is still here I cry almost every day sometimes all day. Thats what makes me so sad. Read This If You Feel Like It's Been Too Long To Still Be Sad After A I work tons of hours to prevent thinking about everything. What we had together I cant even describe. I have and am experiencing much of what you allude to with about the same degree of perspective. Have you considered a grief support group? I could use a friend thanks. Things that have worked for others may work for you, too. Sometimes I'll feel that moment of relief, where it's fine and I know that I'll be okay. I did come crawling back after a few weeks, and i got burned big time, this is something i still deal with to this day. Its been 5 months since we broke up and i still miss her so bad. As my birthday and the one year anniversary death of my mom approached, I felt a new level of sadness. We just had our 30th anniversary. I miss them soo much. Just as long as it includes time for rest, time for reflection, and time to actually learn what it feels like to be home alone, and how to create a new routine and activity once there. There are times yet when loneliness is almost unbearable,still cry sometimes when I see a couple holding hands or something on t.v..read somewhere the loneliness of the most lonely better than being with some one not compatible with. He was miserable for that month we were apart, and I never had a clue. I lost my husband 5 months ago. Im sorry for your loss. Wish I had more friends? It is a weird phenomenon.someone you shared such intimacy with who pretends you no longer exist, it's hurtful. Thank you to everyone who has poured out the hearts & shared their pain. I understand. I feel guilty, lost and lonely. Mine was for 55 and older and met during the afternoon as opposed to early evening meeting times. I Still Miss Her Every Morning - Medium The man that owes me money $ 5800 for building materials i supplied him a year and two months ago paid me with ease without any usual argument. Well i haven't posted on here in a while, but i think it's been about 6 months since the break up, and around 3 months complete NC. I canttell you how many people Ive called to check on whosay, Im doing okay, Im keeping busy, as if the two absolutely and always go together. Though I had longer from diagnosis and operations, chemo and radiation. my died 15 years ago at 54 years old i get depressed everyday while i worked it helped now i am retired and it all came crashing down.i will stop being lonely the day i join my wife in heaven. After all, I was the dumper. Email him on ( lordzakuza7@ gmail. I actually took today off from work because I felt that I really needed some time to regroup and refresh. I have been reading these kinds of blogs since my wife of 37 years died suddenly 6 months ago, searching for some kind of panacea for the overwhelming pain of grief and loss. This is who we made our plans withthe one who shared our worries. He passed July 28th. Her parents took care of her when I was at work 8 hrs a day 5 days a week. I just want them back. If I had it to do over I would have just held her and pampered her. No one can prepare you for something like this. Tom. As for worrying your family by going to see a grief counselor, maybe a little education would help. How long has it been since they moved away?. its now been 13 days of hell. It was extremely heart wrenching to see a vibrant woman (and former physician) physically and mentally deteriorate before my eyes. i find glimpses of sunshine, how ever small. The bad things leave when the relationship ends, but so do the good. My ex claims she did love me when we were together, and said her "rebound" as she puts it was just her way of getting over the pain and that she was lonely. Of course they dont. I try to remember that her siblings and friends also have lost her. It may not even be the first few years. It's been 8 months. Because even if acceptance is reached at some point, there is a lingering and long lasting side effect of lossloneliness. One word. No one understands my loneliness she did not deserve this. I had to move her from the hospital to a nursing home and she died the next day. You really can't make that claim unless you've been on both sides (I've been on both sides). Like everything, moderation is the key. Maybe you can work on giving yourself the understanding and patience you would give to someone else in your shoes. The memories we've made will go on and on. I do not want a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm so glad you are feeling better. I kept myself busy , too busy. This is the hardest walk I have ever walked, and I myself have had cancer. This is horriable I need blood work done and cant get myself there because I dont want to know anymore bad news. Although I know Im not alone i will always be lonely because half of me is now in heaven. The pain is very real and I cant believe this happened I hope to find help and I read above comments so its a common thing. Jetzt bin ich lediglich einen Sieg von meinem ersten . But they bought their own home three years ago and now the loneliness is always overwhelming me. He still looked so handsome to me, though the cancer had ravaged him terribly and eaten as much of him as it could (but not his courageous and kind soul). I like to go to Walmart now, and just walk the cart around, looking at things and people, Sometimes I get into a silly conversation with shoppers of staff. I moved back to Fort Worth to be with my sisters. Ich bin jetzt schon fnf Tage hier und man behandelt mich wie einen Leprakranken. Your helpful article offers those grieving a life preserver to grab hold of & hang on for dear life. Nor should this new person feel the responsibility to. And on April 14th, 2020, I lost my grandma to pneumonia. I'm still single, by choice, almost a year later. Deep breath Ive never seen and died right in front of my Sudden heart attack. He was sick 18 months before the tumor cut off his ability to eat or drink. Is there any chance of reconciliation? Not saying it's easy to be the dumper, but it is easier. I started pushing pushing him away and didnt realize how bad I was struggling. have the groups. He had been so depressed and alone for so long before we reunited it had taken a toll on his health. Im so sorry i didnt listen to you and let myself fail so bad over such a long time. I had never experienced anything like that in my life! Five months later, she's at 4.4%. I feel your pain. I sit in the kitchen and thats where I stay. Im so sorry for the loss of your beloved wife. I agree. God bless & help all that are struggling on here . As for the second and third loss, these were not exclusive qualities found only in her. Hello! Privacy Policy. The grieving keeps me from going out on weekends or any other night . I have read so many articles and I am assuming this is a grief burst that I'm going through? I was 18 going on 19 we moved in together soon after we met and then married. I put my treatment off intermittently but he eventually succumbed to a disease he could not beat. I wish for nothing more than to tell you all this but i know its too late now. Because I'm not sure I am happy about that. Or I would blame it on the weather. This happened one month ago. I also do not miss worrying about her worrying about me as she got older and more fearful. Im not the person I used to be and Im far from the person I want to be. My bf dumped me at the end of September after we were together for the summer. Its the feeling when the sadness feels well-worn and exhausted, and the well of tears has run dry. The therapist suggested I slow whatever causes my anger down, break it apart, and examine it to get to the root of the anger. But he never complained and he was the kindest husband, father, new grandfather. Now Im so lonely I cant even understand where this feeling is coming from all of a sudden. Even bring around my family and friends I feel this loneliness and void. Cry a little if you have to it takes a string person to cry, a single tear is a pain leaving the body. I work long hours to take my mind off it. It's Been Six Months Since My Mom Passed Away I couldnt take the time to really examine myself during the relationship. There is no schedule. I will continue to go on. Then 3 months later, my favorite aunt. In that sense, I would never really be alone because part of her would always be there. My husband was taken from me, 15th May 2020. As a grieving widow myself, I am concerned that her work continues to be misinterpreted and is confusing for the bereaved. I feel very emotional and am running on auto pilot. I lost my husband of 25 years to heart attack at my house. Ich kam fnf Tage vor meinem ersten Match hier an und hoffte natrlich auf ein gutes Resultat. Yes it is harder to be the dumpee then dumper. But he wanted to do this for me, such a selfless man. Joe died 8 months ago. Ill break the pattern, but it doesnt happen. We lost my Dad in May 2017 to AML. Oh how i loved that man. I can handle being sad but all the rest is making me feel angry, embarrassed that I'm ALWAYS feeling sick and I dread anything that we have planned in the future because I'm afraid I will ruin it.
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